Love, thoughts 2

"Love" is deformed by the "live with each other for a decade to see if we are compatible" idea. That idea is stunted by the lack of commitment. Shared experience without commitment doesn't foster the level of relationship necessary because it doesn't foster trust. It assumes mere natural compatibility is sufficient for a long term relationship, but, I think, that everyone intuitively knows that it isn't. Those who are living a "till lack-of-love do us part" recognize that the moment will arrive. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. On the other side, a commitment to stay and love results in that as well but it has to be continually conscious. Too many divorces are inevitable by the time the lawyer or counselor is called in. The divorce started 10 years earlier when the couple didn't solve the small problems. Disfunctional living cannot be sustained. (Of course, we all have disfunctionality...I'm talking about significant disfunctionality. Unfortunately, I don't know how to tell the difference.)

Commitment is necessary for trust. Trust is necessary for commitment. I see an analogy to a children's toy: two objects are on a track. When one is pulled away from the second, the second backs away from the first by a hidden mechanism. When one is pushed toward the second, the second moves toward the first by that same hidden mechanism. That analogy functions for people in a relationship, because the people recognize that there is an emotional penalty for being closer to the center. There is an awkward moment when one takes a step toward the middle ("John, I love you") but the second doesn't make the similar step ("John, aren't you going to say anything?").

Not a very clean conclusion, but I have to work on other stuff.